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Burns for help. After a funny reveal that he’s already trap- doored the family one floor down in his mansion, Burns agrees to revamp the Springfield Bowl concert venue as a symbolic gesture of renewal to the town he’s held in his bony death- grip for nigh on these many decades. Naturally, he’s got ulterior motives, as the Bowl was the site of little Monty’s greatest humiliation, when his pants fell down while he was performing there in 1. Charles Chaplin, Babe Ruth, and, um, Itchy) saw his bottom. Hoping to exorcise the painful memory, he plans a show starring the town’s kids, with Lisa as his stage manager, largely thanks to her clipboard- unclasping skills. I’ll cop to repetitiveness when I complain that, as has been the case in recent seasons, neither of these stories is given enough time to develop. I’ll also say that, if the show stops rushing through half- realized A- and B- stories, I’ll stop mentioning it. What’s so dispiriting here is how credited writers Gammill and Pross use the central premise as an excuse for some unprofitably ugly choices. Take the death ray. Sure, it’s a death ray and all, but the episode mines the concept of a donut- mascot- focused murder- beam for jokes that are mean- spirited without being funny. The beam boils a lake, so we see not only a dying fish flop wheezing onto the land, but also the dog that snaps up the fish being obliterated by the returning beam, its guts and eyeballs splattering everywhere. Three guys waiting for laser- eye surgery have their eyeballs fortuitously fixed by the beam—but the eye doctor, seeing his business walk happily out the door, pulls out a pistol, cocks it, and presses it to his head. In Burns’ talent show, Comic Book Guy sneers that Terri and Sherri’s The Prestige- style water cabinet trick means that one twin escaped behind a curtain—but we see Sherri (or Terri) actually floating drowned and dead while her sister takes a bow. In their introductory silent film for the show, Burns and Smithers spot a bound damsel and, asserting they’re late, simply run her over, their old- timey car slathered in gore. And, in the end, Ralph dies, too, smilingly doing a Porky Pig sign- off while the molten metal from the melting Lard Lad statue covers his face. And when the jokes aren’t cruel, they’re tossed- off. It’s not paradoxical to call out a cartoon for being cartoonish if the consequence- free nature of the jokes communicates “who cares?” more than “anything can happen.” So when Homer’s party animal guidance sees his coworkers swimming in a pool of radioactive waste, someone smoking a nuclear rod like a joint (to Afroman’s “Because I Got High”), and Lenny apparently drinking a toxic waste cocktail, the show abandons its admittedly tenuous reality for lazy jokes—that, again, don’t even have the virtue of being funny. The same goes for the moment when, watching Rod and Todd’s squeaky- clean Smothers Brothers act, Ned sees both his deceased ex- wives appear in the empty seats next to him. Sure, it could be Ned’s imagination but, like all the deaths and radiation poisonings, it’s just chucked out there. A consequence- less reference passing as a joke, its lack of heart and care are equally sour. A great Simpsons episode finds a way to combine the show’s wacky elastic reality with genuine character stories. There’s a reason why “the good seasons” are so rightfully revered, as that’s just really damned difficult to pull off. There’s a reason why people are still heatedly debating whether “Homer’s Enemy” is one of the most conceptually brilliant things The Simpsons has ever done, or if its self- aware darkness signaled the beginning of the show’s ruination. There’s room for audaciousness, even cruelty, in The Simpsons’ comedy, if it’s earned. Stray observations. The season’s first guest couch gag comes from Adventure Time creator Pendleton Ward, who sings a Simpsonized version of the Adventure Time theme over an Adventure Time- d version of Springfield. It’s suitably adorable. Homer’s B- story at the plant barely exists here (although it’s nice to see Zutroy is still around). That’s Amy Schumer as Li’l Monty’s mom, a fact I didn’t realize until the end credits. It’s not that Schumer’s bad, it’s that her role, like much of the episode, has no substance. The idea that Mr. Burns’ mom is sexually inappropriate might be why they brought the ever- audacious Schumer on to play the character, but all that creepy face- licking never comes to bear on Burns’ plot at all. Which is probably for the best. Stay tuned to see if the city of Phoenix raises a New Orleans- style stink over Kent Brockman’s description of it as “the culture- less Mars- scape of the southwest.”It’s a funny detail that Springfield’s typically confused hair- trigger rioting sees one half of the town angrily undoing the damage caused by the other, resulting in “zero dollars in damage,” according to Brockman. The visual joke that Apu’s bjorn actually holds all eight babies stacked one in front of the other is a neat perspective gag. Barney, on the new statue: “That doesn’t say donuts, it says management overthink!”“Attention: an old man is prowling the school, looking for young children. Please perform for him.”“And what part of what I’ve never told you don’t you understand?”Every year, someone thinks it’s funny to have Burns make an unintentional double entendre, so let’s hope “Within days, half of America was cranking to my bottom” is it for season 2. Albuquerque News, Local Weather, New Mexico News. A New Mexico town had to cut its fireworks show short because of a fire caused by — you guessed it — fireworks. A New Mexico man who caused a crash that killed a Georgia teen has been given an unusual sentence. An Albuquerque horse was doing what they do best, horsing around on the Fourth of July. It was a scary situation for an Albuquerque police officer. He was on a horse downtown when the horse slipped and fell on top of him. State Police say the body of a man who drowned in Cochiti Lake on Saturday has been recovered. Wednesday, Albuquerque Mayor Richard J. Berry announced another new plan to clean up downtown. A newly published book about the history of the Durango Police Department is now on sale.
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How Can I Watch (Almost) Any Live Sports Game Online? Dear Lifehacker,I'm trying to ditch cable but the one thing holding me back is sports. If I want to watch live games my options seem pretty limited. Am I out of luck or am I missing something here? Where, or how, can I watch pretty much any sports game online? Sincerely,Live Game Addict.
Dear LGA,Let's be honest: your options aren't great—but you're not totally screwed either. If you truly want to ditch cable without ditching sports, here's what you can do. First things first, we've actually covered this a little bit. If you're a casual sports fan the information in this post should serve you well. If you're looking to go the extra mile, however, you have some additional options. In certain cases you may need to do a little extra work and you're not going to get everything for free, but you can get pretty decent online coverage for most of what you want. Dear Lifehacker, I'd love to get rid of cable and stream all my favorite TV shows right from. It's not official, but it's a really good place to start if you're looking for something specific. Football. Things are a little weird with the NFL Network, as you can really only listen to the audio of live games or watch games that already happened (with the NFL Game Rewind option, or by downloading games through i. Tunes). That said, Zero. Watch live streaming Houston Astros games online all season long with MLB.TV. All baseball games available in HD quality with pause and rewind functionality, stats. Regular Season Local Live Blackout in the U.S. Watching Out of Market Games: MLB.TV. If you want to watch games that aren’t on national television and are out of your market, you can do so via MLB.TV. Streaming MLB Network online is now possible. You can watch live baseball games on your phone, or computer. Visit MLB.tv for mobile apps. Whether you’re thinking of cutting the cord or just want to watch TV on your own schedule instead of the television network’s, there are more legal ways to watch. Paid. com points out that you can find live game streams on Wi. Zi. Wi. G. You just go to this forum, pick the stream you want, and follow the instructions to watch it live in a supported player (like VLC). This forum includes streams for NFL, CFL, and AFL games, so you get a pretty good selection. Basketball. NBA Unlimited Pass gives you access to all regular season games plus full season archives. You can watch online or on your mobile device. You get live DVR controls and can watch up to three games at once. If you don't need full access to every game, you can get a league pass to just follow seven teams. Baseball. If you're a baseball fan, you're pretty well- covered by MLB. TV. You get access to all regular season games, generally in HD, plus archives, alternate audio options, and more. MLB. TV is available in your web browser, but also on a ton of devices like the wonderful Roku box, many Apple devices, and even some televisions. If baseball is your thing, you're pretty much set. Hockey. NHL Game Center Live offers streaming video of live games, condensed versions of previous games, archives dating back to the 1. DVR functionality. There's also an online chat function if that's something you want to do while you watch. Where to Find More. When you can't get a full package directly, there are often other places you can go to find live streams and recorded games. Watch. ESPN is one way to find some live streams. Generally it will require that you have a subscription through your cable provider in order to use it—which is always the case if you're running the i. OS or Android app—but they do offer some live streams for free. You can also check sites like UStream Sports, First Row Sports, and Stream. Watch for many more choices you probably won't find elsewhere. Special events like the US Open and the Olympics, for example, often have live streams. We try to keep an eye out for free live sports streams for special events, so check our streaming sports tag page for new posts. The US Open is underway and available to watch online. Here's how to pick up live streams, get . Rather than slinking back to your local cable provider, look at this as an opportnity. Most people aren't going to be as crazy as you and try get all of their entertainment online, so presumably you still have some friends with an enviable sports package. Mooch off of them like there's no tomorrow. And if you're kind of a loathsome human being, the bars will have you. You can solve two problems at once—watch the game, live, and drown your sorrows in alcohol. |